The Music Mom: Eileen Carey

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I have spoken with several parents who struggle with properly managing the relationship between their children and social media. When we allow our kids access to smartphones, tablets, laptops, and even desktops, we open up the world of social media. That is something none of us are prepared for.

Because the adolescent brain is reorganizing itself and risk-taking is high and impulse control is low, I can’t imagine a worse time in a child’s life to have access to social media than the pre-teen and early teen years.

Here are 5 reasons why we should seriously consider not allowing our kids access to social media.

1. Social media was not designed for our kids. 

A tween’s underdeveloped brain is simply not designed to fight off the distractions and temptations that come with social media use. While it is entirely appropriate to start teaching responsible use of technology at this age, we must acknowledge that there is simply no way for us to teach the maturity that the proper use of social media requires. Make no mistake: our kids will use social media inappropriately until they are older.

2. Social media is nothing more than a meaningless form of entertainment technology.

Social media does nothing to make your child smarter or more intellectually curious. It provides no skills that will help your child succeed in his or her future endeavors. Its sole function is to entertain, and it often does this in a negative manner and at the expense of others. There are literally hundreds of other things your child can do that are a better use of their time. 

3. Social media is an addictive form of screen entertainment.

We now know that people of all ages are prone to addiction to the screens we see all around us. Kids are especially vulnerable to getting hooked on today’s technology, and social media is often the gateway to this addiction. Needing to keep up with every post, comment, and “like” can turn our kids into obsessed zombies. No thanks! 

4. Social media replaces sometimes difficult face-to-face interactions with peers. 

When kids primarily interact with friends via screens, they are prevented from sharpening the interpersonal skills they will need during their life. For example, it can be difficult to disagree with someone in person, but learning how to tactfully do so is a vitally important social skill. We deprive our kids of these learning/growing opportunities when we allow them to hide behind the wall of social media. 

5. Social media can cause kids to view their friends as more important than their family.

Strong family bonds are vitally important to the emotional development of our children. While friends do (and should) play a necessary role in the lives of our kids, they should never be viewed as more important than siblings, parents, and even extended family. With its emphasis on “likes” and other forms of artificial friendship, social media tricks our kids into believing that the attention and respect of their peers is what they ought to be pursuing. 

I hope I’ve convinced you that your child will be much better off without social media in their life. I know that it seems as though every other kid is using it, but in the end, you are only responsible for what goes on in your family. Good luck!

Let’s face it. There’s something very special about the bonds we form with members of our family. These bonds are often stronger than the ones we have with even our closest friends.

Maintaining relationships with our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can greatly enrich our lives. The problem, though, is that doing so often takes a great deal of effort, communication, and coordination.

To help you keep in touch with your far away loved ones, I’ve compiled 4 of the simplest ways I could think of that will allow your family to stay close – no matter the distance between you. 

1. Read about each other.

Even with the sophisticated technology of today, news doesn’t always travel as quickly as we would like. I absolutely love hearing about the newest news involving my extended family, but sometimes it can take weeks or even months to learn of new births, anniversaries, or relocations.

One way to keep each other in the loop at all times is to design a family blog or private Facebook page. The hardest part will be getting in touch with everyone, but once you do, members will be able to make updates that everyone else can see.

2. Surprise each other with snail mail.

If you’re old school like me, you still get excited when you receive mail. Email is fine, but nothing beats grabbing a slightly worn letter out of the mailbox. A special package is even better. I’ve passed this appreciation on to my kids, as they now love receiving unexpected items via snail mail.

Sending photos, letters, and packages is the perfect way to let extended family know you still think about them. It takes more effort than sending a text or email, but remember: the effort of these small gestures go a long way towards maintaining the type of relationships you want with your extended family.

3. See each other online. 

If your family is like mine, they are probably spread out all over the country. This often makes visiting with each nearly impossible. Again, thanks to modern technology, we can bridge that gap via video calling services such as Skype and FaceTime.

It is so incredibly easy to chat with those family members who we might otherwise never see in person. This particular means of communication also allows our kids to maintain relationships with the folks they hardly ever see. 

4. See each other in person during a family reunion. 

Family reunions are growing in popularity. Yes, they take quite a bit of planning. And yes, they might require some traveling expenses. But the truth is that a family reunion can be as simple as a lunch or dinner at everyone’s favorite restaurant. It can also be as elaborate as an extended vacation at a far away resort.

Regardless of how you do it, meeting lots of extended family members at a reunion is always worth the time and effort. Nothing beats seeing the people you grew up with in person. 

If your extended family is important to you, I strongly suggest finding ways to stay in touch. All the new memories you build will definitely strengthen the bonds you already have.

As parents, we spend countless hours trying to make sure that our kids think, say, and do the right thing. How often, though, do we take time to ensure that they have the self-confidence necessary to actually follow through on those positive behaviors?

Here are 5 simple – yet effective – ways to make sure that you are raising your child with enough confidence to successfully handle all of life’s challenges.

1. Teach your child to be a good communicator.

Communication is everything. It allows us to be fully understood, thus leading to a greater sense of self-esteem. Teaching your kids to express themselves clearly and concisely will allow them to become master communicators.

They will then be able to handle pretty much all situations they encounter, both as children and eventually as adults.

2. Stop telling your child “good job” for every achievement.

This one might sound a little confusing. After all, telling them “good job” is a positive thing, right? Well, yes, it is.

But that particular form of praise is much too generic. Your kids deserve a little effort if you are going to try to give them credit. Your child’s achievements, no matter how small, are very important to them, so they deserve you replacing “good job” with specific compliments.

This method of praise also reinforces the fact that you really are paying attention to everything they do. 

3. Show your child that what they are doing really is important.

It is sometimes easy to dismiss what our kids are doing. We can act as though we are genuinely interested, but if we are not, they will notice. As you can imagine, this can negatively impact their confidence.

To prevent this type of deflation, get down on your child’s level and treat what they are doing as you would any other important task. If you want to convey to them your interest, take the time necessary to ask them questions about what they are doing.

Dive into the things that take up their time. Doing this will prove to them that you are truly interested in not only them, but also the things they do. 

4. Teach your child to create their own goals – and then help them follow through.

One of the most important things we can do for our kids is to teach them how to create achievable goals. Whether they are short-term or long-term, goals help foster focus, determination, and pride.

Discussing with your son or daughter what types of goals are worthy of their time and attention also helps instill in them a sense of perspective. They can glean from the process what is worth pursuing, and what is not.

Remember: it’s okay if your child sets a somewhat lofty goal. I’m a supporter of dreaming big, so let them reach for the moon. 

5. Model for your child how to handle failure and rejection.

At some point in their life, your child is going to fail at something. How they handle it will be due in large part to how they have seen you deal with your own failures and disappointments. Be open and honest with your child about the times that you have experienced rejection or failure.

Even more important, show them what it means to be positive, determined, and resilient. Doing this will go a long way towards teaching them how to overcome even the most painful times in their lives.

Unfortunately, we can’t prevent our kids from encountering these negative situations. But we can rest assured that we have instilled in them the type of confidence necessary to survive and thrive during life’s most difficult moments. 

This year marks the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s untimely death. While an assassin’s bullet succeeded in tragically ending MLK’s life, there’s nothing on this planet that could ever erase the visionary’s timeless words and relevance to American society. His stirring words and writings inspire us today as much as they did during the 1950s and ’60s.

With tomorrow being Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I think it is a perfect time to reflect upon 10 of MLK’s most poignant quotes. His words represent extraordinary levels of purpose, compassion, and selflessness. I hope and pray that they motivate us all to do what we can to make this world a better place.

1. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

2. “Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude.”

3. “Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.”

4. “Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.”

5. “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.”

6. “There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”

7. “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

8. “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”

9. “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

10. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Hello, friends. Check out this press release for my upcoming show with Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits. It happens on Thursday, January 18 at one of my favorite venues, The Rose, in Pasadena, CA.

I would love to see you there.

Thanks again for your support!

Eileen

PRESS RELEASE

An ocean and several decades may separate them, but 1960s British Invasion legend Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits and modern country pop chart-topper Eileen Carey share one essential skill that transcends space and time: an uncanny knack for writing memorable feel-good pop songs.

Fueled by her recent award for Independent Music Network’s Entertainer of 2017, Carey will open for Herman’s Hermits Starring Peter Noone at Pasadena’s The Rose on Thursday, January 18. Tickets are now available.

Gracefully breaking down the barriers between country and pop, New Music Weekly 2017 Crossover Artist of the Year Carey will share the stage with Noone, who achieved international fame as the lead singer of the legendary ’60s pop band Herman’s Hermits.

Noone’s hits included “I’m Into Something Good,” “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter,” “I’m Henry VIII, I Am,” and “There’s a Kind of Hush.” Ultimately, Herman’s Hermits sold over sixty million recordings. In all, fourteen singles and seven albums went gold.

Credited by POPDOSE with “blending pop, country, and rock in a way that feels uniquely hers,” Carey has appeared on CBS L.A.’s The Weekend Morning Show and Nick Jr.’s Take Me To Your Mother. Her singles “Good Bad Girl,” “In the Air,” “Faith,” “Bring on the Big,” and “Bottle Your Crazy Up” have danced atop the New Music Weekly Country, NMW’s Adult Contemporary, and other Top 40 charts.

According to Ron Wynn of Nashville Music Guide, Carey’s message of empowerment is as powerful as her music:

“Carey has emerged over the last few years as both an accomplished storyteller and effective stylist, all the while making music that deftly combines country influences with pop arrangements. Her songs also offer distinct, prominent messages about personal empowerment and emotional fulfillment.”

Other recent awards for Carey include NMW’s 2016 Country Breakthrough Artist of the Year, National Hits Radio’s Favorite Female Country Artist of 2016, and the Los Angeles Music Award for Country Artist of the Year.

Carey continues to post in her new blog, The Music Mom. The Music Mom reveals Carey’s desire to positively impact others via the sharing of her experiences and wisdom: “The world is filled with ups and downs, so I want to help people see things in a more positive light and find a better place in life.”

Happy new year! As we begin to embrace 2018, I think it’s a great time to remind you that setting realistic goals for the new year is an effective way to bring about the better you you’re pursuing this year. Coming up with a reasonable list of practical goals works much better than crafting a long list of unrealistic resolutions. 

With that in mind, I’m offering up 6 simple skills for the new year. I’ve decided to focus on skills because there is no greater satisfaction than being able to “do” something. Knowing stuff is fine and dandy, but actually doing things is where it’s at if you’re looking to build your sense of confidence and self-reliance. 

I hope these 6 skills make your life easier, healthier, and more enjoyable. 

1. Learn to do your own home repairs.

This one is definitely a challenge for me. But I can confirm that, for example, it feels pretty darn good to clean out your own sink pipes, rather than paying big bucks to hire a plumber to do it. The satisfaction that comes from doing something that is entirely doable on your own is well worth the time it takes to figure out how to do it. Besides, imagine the money you will save. Learn to do basic home repairs on your own, and you will eventually reap the many rewards that come from it.

2. Declutter your house.

One of the best things we can do for our mental health is to declutter our houses. When we do this, we transform our homes from hotbeds of chaos and stress into havens of peace and inspiration. It all begins with ditching the things in your house you no longer need. Next, organize everything that is left. Having a neater, more organized home will allow you to live a less stressful and more comfortable life.

3. Learn an instrument.

Can learning to play the piano or guitar really improve your mental prowess? The research says yes. For example, it is now proven that the brains of guitar players work differently than those of everyone else. The process of learning to play guitar chords can open up new neural pathways, thus rewiring the brain in a way that can lead to long-lasting cognitive benefits.

4. Read as much as you possibly can. 

This is perhaps the most important skill on this list. Reading not only introduces you to intriguing new information, but it also expands your worldview. A good book, magazine, or online article can take you places you never thought you’d see. Much like learning an instrument, reading also sharpens your mind. Whatever type of text you have in front of you, dive right in. 

5. Learn self-defense. 

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that you can defend yourself if, God forbid, need be. It is incredibly reassuring and confidence-building to have the skills to physically protect yourself. Everyone should spend the time necessary to learn some basic self-defense skills either formally via a class or informally through a friend who is an expert. There are several major martial arts techniques from which you can choose, too, so you have options. 

6. Learn to cook like a pro.

There are countless benefits to learning to cook like a pro. First, as the sole maker of the food you eat, you will always know exactly what is going into your body. Don’t like the tired and heavy way you feel after eating fast food? Well, cooking like a champ gives you total control over how much fat, sugar, and salt goes into your meals. This allows you to instantly create a healthier diet for you and your family. Oh, and one more thing: cooking like a pro may cost you time, but it will eventually save you a ton of money by eating at home instead of at a restaurant.

 

Okay. Let’s be honest. It’s right before New Years Eve, and you are currently dreaming up the most fantastical resolutions for 2018. But while losing 1/5 of your body weight sounds like a great idea, is it really something you will achieve? The truth is that resolutions like that are typically gone and forgotten by March.

The good news is that you don’t have to come up with resolutions you can’t keep. I have had much more success creating smaller goals that lead to bigger results. Here are 25 suggestions that I hope you’ll consider as you prepare for an amazing 2018.

Happy new year!

1. Make iPads and other electronic devices the exception, not the norm, for nighttime family entertainment.
2. Make a meal for any friend or family member who is sick. 
3. Give away the stuff you don’t need.
4. Demonstrate to your kids what it means to show gratitude.
5. Learn a new instrument (or practice an old one). 
6. Act like more of a team player.
7. Live a more minimal life that allows you to simplify things.
8. Stay in the moment – wherever and whenever it is.
9. Post mostly unfiltered and realistic images on your social media.
10. Eat out less and cook from scratch more.
11. Run or walk a few miles each week.
12. Plan to interact with your family on a more regular basis.
13. Spend one-on-one time with close friends each week.
14. Instead of texting, talk to people on the phone more often.
15. Plan at least one weekend day-trip each month.
16. Take your significant other on a date night at least once per week.
17. Make your own coffee at home.
18. Listen more and talk less. 
19. Sit in silence for five minutes every day.
20. Drink tea instead of coffee.
21. Drink less soda and sugary beverages.
22. Determine to plan ahead by buying birthday presents well in advance.
23. Assign your kids reasonable chores – and then make sure they actually do them.
24. Find a genre of literature that you like and consistently read for pleasure.
25. Try doing something new each and every week.

 

As we end this wild and crazy year, I want to share with you 5 soul goals that I truly believe made me a better person in 2017. I hope you’ll consider doing them as you prepare to usher in 2018. I also hope you have a healthy and happy new year! 

Take time to explore new places.

Exploring new locations can do wonders for your soul, as there’s something reinvigorating about seeing new faces and places. There’s a whole world out there that you’ve never seen, so hop on a train, bus, or simply take your car somewhere you’ve never been. 

Learn something new.

Whether you want to learn a new language, a new instrument, or a new form of writing, find the time to challenge your mind in a new and exciting way. The challenge of learning something new will inevitably make you more confident, and as a result, help mold you into a better person. 

Declutter your home.

This was one of my most rewarding goals of the past year. I strongly recommend taking the plunge and decluttering your house. It can be a ton of hard work, but you will immediately feel more relaxed. If you’re looking for one less thing to be stressed about, I suggest decluttering your house.

Volunteer your time.

While the internet and social media have allowed us to strengthen our bond with the global community, it’s quite possible that we have neglected our local community. This is why I definitely recommend volunteering within your community. Yes, it will make you feel good. But more important is the fact that it will bring some much needed positivity to someone else’s life.

Reach out to an old friend. Or better yet, make amends with an old enemy.

One thing I’m really glad I did this year was reconnect with several old friends. It had been many, many years between chats, and finding out about their lives was one of the best things I’ve done in a while. Because I prefer to bury hatchets, I also made amends with someone with whom I had previously not gotten along. Life is too short for grudges, and fixing that particular relationship did wonders for my mind and soul. 

Happy Christmas, friends! I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season. I have been so fortunate to have your support in 2017. Amazing things have happened to me and my family, and pretty much none of it could have occurred without you.

As I think of my loved ones, I find myself wishing that I could give each of you a very special gift. Obviously, I can’t do that. But I can send you tons of good vibes, well wishes, and support for when you need it.

It is with this goodwill and hope for the future in mind that I want to share my Christmas wishes for you. I hope they all come true. Every single one of them. 

1. May you find physical, mental, and spiritual peace wherever you are. 

2. May you love with all your heart and be loved with all of someone else’s heart.

3. May you never lose sight of your dream, and may you someday realize it. 

4. May you find good physical health and diminished pain or discomfort. 

5. May you help bring about the type of love, open-mindedness, and tolerance the world so desperately needs.

6. May your voice always be heard, and may you never forget to listen to others. 

7. May you experience the wonder of forgiveness. 

8. May you discover something in nature that leads to an appreciation for the world in which we live. 

9. May you have the opportunity to give to others the types of gifts that build memories and bonds that last a lifetime.

10. May all the peace, joy, and love you feel this Christmas Eve stay with you long after the holidays are over. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of my biggest goals this year was to set smaller goals that could help me become a better person, both inside and out. 

Today I am sharing 5 goals that have positively impacted my physical health this year. I hope they make you feel more energetic, healthy, and happy – just as they’ve done for me. 

Go for a walk after lunch or dinner. 

I am very glad that I set this goal for myself. Consistently going for a walk after a meal has helped me better digest my food. It has also allowed me to reset my mind as I prepare for the rest of the day’s inside activities. The extra dose of fresh air is always welcome. 

Occasionally drink tea instead of coffee or soda.

To be honest, this one was tough. I’ve been a coffee drinker for what seems like forever, so trying to cut out coffee has been difficult. I love the way it smells and tastes. The thing is that coffee and soda tend to dehydrate you. They can also put a legit dent in your wallet. Tea is cheaper and typically less dehydrating, so start off slow by switching to a cup of tea the next time you want coffee or soda. 

Squeeze in ten minutes of exercise each day.

Getting started is often the toughest part of exercising. Because of this, it helps to tell yourself that you are only going to exercise for ten minutes. You’ll be much more likely to get started due to the minimum commitment. Chances are that you’ll go longer than ten minutes once you get your engine started.

Prep your meals in advance each week.

Eating rushed meals at home and expensive fast food can get really old. It’s also very unhealthy for you. Your body deserves so much better, so I highly recommend prepping your meals in advance each week. It’ll save you tons of time, and I guarantee that you’ll feel healthier due to your new food choices.

Drink more water. Lots more.

Aside from your body’s survival, there are a ton of benefits to drinking lots of water. For example, making sure that you are always hydrated keeps your brain alert and your skin glowing. You’ll also notice fewer headaches and aches and pains. At first you’ll need to be very conscious about drinking more water, but after a while, it’ll become second nature. And you’ll be all the better for it. 

I know it sounds weird, but one of my biggest goals this year was to set more goals. Not crazy big goals, but instead smaller ones that could help me become a better person, both inside and out. 

As I reflect on the types of goals I’ve set this year, I realize that I’ve been setting goals that fall into one of three categories: mind goals, body goals, and soul goals. 

This week I am going to share 5 goals that have positively impacted my mental health. I hope they do the same for you. 

Avoid going online one day each week.

I know this sounds difficult, but remember: we were connected in different ways and fully content before the internet. The biggest challenge will be the fact that you are likely hooked on being online. Take one day of the week to stay completely offline, and after a while, I guarantee that you won’t miss it. At all. 

Meditate every morning.

The thought of meditating might sound like something you need to work up to, but it’s really not. Taking a mere five to ten minutes out of your day to sit and do nothing is simple, and it can help you relax and give you a renewed sense of focus as you begin your day. 

Journal or blog every day.

Jotting down your thoughts in some form is incredibly relaxing. Another benefit is that it gives you a sharper sense of focus as you struggle to understand and handle the ups and downs of life. Even if you’re having a tough time getting started, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what will flow from you once you begin the writing process.

Do a full media detox.

If you’re like me, there’s a good chance that all the fussing, fighting, and bad news of the media has you feeling a bit overwhelmed. With 24-hour news cycles and tons of media options now the norm, it can feel as though you can’t escape current events and the opinions they inspire. Start off by spending a day away from news sites and avoiding pop-up news stories on Facebook and other social media. If you like how this new separation feels, build up to a few days each week.

Take a legit “me” day.

Some moms don’t buy into taking “me” days. They think it’s pointless or, even worse, selfish. I couldn’t disagree more. Getting away for an entire day (or even part of a day) can do wonders for your mind. I highly recommend scheduling a spa day or booking a room at a hotel. If you are budget-conscious, you can pamper yourself at home by taking an indulgent bubble bath. The goal is to give yourself an opportunity to completely relax. Your mind (and your body) will reap the rewards of you focusing solely on you. 

Friday is finally here, and with it comes big hopes and plans for the weekend. As you know, though, sometimes our weekends aren’t quite as productive as we would like them to be. It is so incredibly easy to lose your weekend to distractions caused by technology, relationship issues, and unforeseen events. The result is that we often feel more stressed at the end of the weekend than we were at the start.

It is with this in mind that I have come up with 5 tips for having a productive and satisfying weekend. These are simple – yet effective – actions you can take that will make you even more excited about the weekend than you already are.

Good luck!

Come up with a plan for your weekend.

It seems that there are now more ways than ever to become distracted. Whether it’s watching television or exploring the internet, you will be much more likely to waste your time if you enter the weekend without at least a loose schedule of activities. Write in two to four things that you can look forward to doing, and then proceed accordingly. You’ll appreciate the focus this gives you, and you won’t end your weekend feeling guilty about all the time you wasted.

Schedule something fun for your Sunday night.

If you’re like me, you typically spend the last half of your weekend dreading Monday morning. In order to avoid that, I’ve started planning something I can look forward to on Sunday nights. This allows me to maintain a sense of excitement and anticipation throughout most of the weekend.

Get the most out of your weekend mornings.

Weekend mornings tend to be nothing more than wasted time. Too often this wasted time sets a bad tone for the rest of your weekend day. If you can convince yourself to get out of bed before the rest of your family, you will soon discover that this time presents an excellent opportunity for you to pursue personal time. Be it an arts and craft project, a workout routine, or a deep dive into your new favorite book, early morning is an excellent time to accomplish that which might be more difficult when everyone else is wide awake.

Schedule a nap time.

I know most folks think naps are just for little kids, but they are wrong. Trust me. I always feel better after I take a brief nap during the mid to late afternoon. Even better is when my entire family joins me in resting for a while. Schedule for you and your kids a legit chill time, and you’ll soon discover that your batteries are charged just in time for you to enjoy the rest of your day.

Limit your use of technology.

Spending at least part of your weekend away from computers, phones, and the like will enable you to rediscover the people and things that are most important to you. I highly recommend tuning out for a portion of your weekend. The result will be more direct contact and more effective communication with your loved ones. Plus, after staring at screens all week, your eyes and mind deserve the weekend off too, don’t you think?