The Music Mom: Eileen Carey

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Live and So Alive: Why I Love Performing Live

Eileen Carey

This Friday I’ll be performing at the Orange County Fair in Sacramento, CA. As I prepare for the show, I am reminded of why I love performing live so much. Aside from the addicting adrenaline rush that every performer feels as they take the stage, there are several reasons why one of my favorite things to do as a musician is to perform my songs in a live setting.

I am fortunate enough to have fans who know my songs. I never take this for granted, as I am fully aware that not every musician can say the same. I’ve been blessed to see so many familiar faces at different shows. I have come to know many of these music lovers, and I am genuinely overwhelmed by their support.

I cannot describe the appreciation I feel for those who join me in singing my songs. These songs of mine were never intended to be kept to myself, so part of the pleasure of playing live is having the opportunity to sing them with those who know them. There is a sense of camaraderie that grows from singing songs with audiences. When the songs are yours, the entire process is even more satisfying.

Of course, as I belt out my songs tomorrow, there will be audience members who have yet to hear my tunes. Their presence is also a blessing. I love the feeling of meeting new people and trying to turn them into future fans. Some will become friends, too, which is even better.

I recognize that in today’s digital age, there are now more musical options than ever before. As a result, I do consider it a worthwhile challenge to win over those who are seeing and hearing me for the first time. The challenge is to connect with new audiences, to make them feel what I’m feeling as I sing and perform these little pieces of my heart and soul.

One of the best parts of being a musician is having the opportunity to perform my songs in front of both familiar and unfamiliar faces. The live show is the lifeblood of most performers. On a night like this, as I prepare for tomorrow’s big show, I am lucky to feel this alive.

 

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 Posted on July 29, 2016 by

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This Place, This Hour: Why Your Dog Is Happier than You

Dog happiness

The above cartoon says so much about why we, as humans, struggle to find, and then keep, happiness. We often lose sight of the present by focusing so much on the past and future. Very often, the things we think about are negative in nature, or are sources of anxiety and fear.

In contrast, dogs are completely content in the here and now. They enjoy the moment for exactly what it is. There is no yesterday, and there is no tomorrow. There is only the present. They see and hear what is in front of them, and that is all they need. If you’ve ever watched a dog spend time with his owner, you know that it is impossible for that dog to be mentally anywhere else.

I’m not denying the fact that humans have a plethora of things to care for that other species don’t. There are bills to pay. There are relationships to tend to. There is the planning for the future that every responsible person must do. We certainly have our hands full juggling the ups and downs of everyday life.

With that said, it is possible to push all those things to the side. It is possible to be completely present in the here and during the now. It is not easy, but it can be done. Like most good things in life, being content takes some effort and usually requires some practice.

Walt Whitman eloquently summed up the determined approach we must take when trying to mimic the life approach of our canine friends:

“Happiness, not in another place, but in this place. Not for another hour, but this hour.”

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 Posted on July 26, 2016 by

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Love Is the Answer

Fear and love

In my last post, I attributed many of the problems we’re currently facing in America to fear:

I used to think that racism, disdain for the “other,” and disregard for each other’s lives were causes of the type of societal turmoil we’re currently seeing in America. Recently, though, I’ve realized that those things are effects, not causes. They are the effects of fear. It is the fear of those who are different, a paranoia caused by unknown races, faces, cultures, and lifestyles, that is leading to the words and actions that threaten to tear us apart.

Instead of fearing those who are different from us, I suggested we embrace the very things that make us different:

These problems will only be solved when we, a wonderfully diverse and beautifully complicated people, learn to not fear others, but instead, to find the good and the great in those who are not like us.

So if what we need is less fear, the question becomes, “How do we fear less?” Well, there is no shortcut. Several religions and philosophies wisely teach that love pushes aside all forms of fear. Love is the only thing that allows us to embrace, rather than be afraid of, our differences. Racism, fear of the “other,” and acceptance of violence are effects of a lack of love. Simply put, to get rid of fear, we need to love each other.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the type of love we feel when we see that very special someone, the one who brings knots to our stomach and dizziness to our head. No, that’s an easy kind of love. The kind of love that allows us to hold in high regard those we don’t know and aren’t familiar with is a tough kind of love, one that takes a whole lot of effort.

This love takes forcing ourselves to realize, and then focus on, the fact that beneath that skin, behind that veil, and beyond that wall is a valuable human being, one who deserves as much love and respect as we want for ourselves and our loved ones.

Again, seeing as we are taught from a young age to fear those who are different from us, thinking this way, and then acting on it, will not be easy. But it must be done if we are to become peacemakers and champions of what is just, kind, and right.

John Lennon was by no means a saint, but he should be credited with offering an extremely simple – if not easy – solution to the difficult problems we now face as Americans. In his 1973 hit song “Mind Games,” Lennon summed up what it takes to defeat the fear that currently divides us and threatens to eventually tear us apart:

Love is the answer.

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 Posted on July 13, 2016 by

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Countering the Culture of Fear: Why Americans Should Embrace Unknown Faces

mixed-race

I’ve spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out why America feels like it’s on the verge of a complete breakdown. Among other things, there is a never-ending stream of violent acts, a ton of angry and hateful rhetoric, and a strong undercurrent of racism. All this negativity often feels suffocating, as if we are drowning in a wave of our worst impulses. So why are these things happening?

I used to think that racism, disdain for the “other,” and disregard for each other’s lives were causes of the type of societal turmoil we’re currently seeing in America. Recently, though, I’ve realized that those things are effects, not causes. They are the effects of fear. It is the fear of those who are different, a paranoia caused by unknown races, faces, cultures, and lifestyles, that is leading to the words and actions that threaten to tear us apart.

There are two ways in which we can respond to those who are different from us. We can welcome them with the knowledge that part of what makes humanity so amazing is the fact that we are all extremely different. Even those of us who share a skin color, or a language, or a religion, are different from each other in countless ways.

It is this appreciation for the unique ways in which we’ve been created that leads to peace, love, and the betterment of society as a whole. God knows we can use each of those right about now.

In contrast, when we react to each other’s differences with fear, trepidation, and condescension, we create an atmosphere that allows for the type of mistrust, violence, and hate that is all too rampant in America at the moment.

These problems won’t be solved by our government. They won’t be solved by continued separation of people by race, religion, and world-view. They will only be solved when we, a wonderfully diverse and beautifully complicated people, learn to not fear others, but instead, to find the good and the great in those who are not like us.

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 Posted on July 10, 2016 by

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A Private Matter: Why You Should Avoid Public Parenting

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“Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly.” – W. Cecil

Among the many controversial elements of social media is one I call public parenting. Public parenting is when we as parents litter our social media with updates on how and why we are disciplining our children. These updates often come in the form of videos showing parents berating their kids or engaging in a form of punishment that can only be described as shaming.

Some examples of shaming include children holding signs detailing their previous transgressions, kids being forced to engage in an act of penance for their wrongdoing, or, in the worst cases, parents physically disciplining children for all the world to see.

I would like to believe that such acts are done for the sole purpose of changing a child’s behavior, and that the end goal is a repentant kid who has learned his or her lesson and will never again repeat the act that got them in trouble in the first place.

But knowing what I know of social media and the way humans have so far responded to it, I honestly do not believe this is why parents engage in public parenting. Instead, I am convinced that public parenting is done for two reasons:

1. Parents want everyone else to know that they are good parents who swiftly and sternly deal with their child’s negative behavior. What better way to show it than via public parenting?

2. Parents, like all other humans, desire attention. Surely you have stopped scrolling down your Facebook feed upon seeing a loud and emotionally expressive parent laying into their kid.

While I fully support letting our online friends and family know all about our kids’ positive achievements, I do not think it is in our children’s best interest to publicly display their shortcomings or our reactions to their behavior. The negative effects include breaking the bond of trust between you and your child, putting your child at risk of bullying from outside sources, and taking the attention off your child’s misbehavior and putting it on your punishment.

For these reasons, I strongly suggest doing your parenting – both the positive and negative parts of it – in private.

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 Posted on July 6, 2016 by

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Heavenly Summer 7: A List of 7 Perfect Songs for Summer

Summer

Summer is finally here. As George Harrison wrote, it’s been a “long cold lonely winter,” but now we get to celebrate our favorite season, the time when the sun warms our skin and all feels right in the world.

To celebrate this very welcome season, I’ve compiled a list of 7 songs that I feel best capture the feel-good vibes of summer. Click on the links to hear these tunes that I hope will warm your heart as much as the suddenly present summer sun. 

“Summer Breeze” by Seals and Crofts (1972)

Perhaps the most perfect sound of summer is harmony-driven folk-pop, and this 1972 classic totally captures everything good and pure about that genre. It doesn’t even matter that we have no idea what Jim Seals and Dash Crofts meant when they referenced the “jasmine in my mind.” It all sounds chill and perfectly crafted for those warm summer nights. 

“Cruel Summer” by Bananarama (1983)

If you are a fan of The Karate Kid, you are familiar with this funky 1983 hit that played while Ralph Macchio’s character Daniel LaRusso epically failed to fit in at his new high school. Based on its key placement on the soundtrack to The Karate Kid, “Cruel Summer” instantly established itself as a symbol of summer’s dog days, the ones when nothing goes right for you and nobody is there to help. 

“Hot Fun in the Summertime” by Sly and the Family Stone (1969)

A smooth classic from the tumultuous year of 1969, “Hot Fun in the Summertime” was the welcome handiwork of funksters Sly and the Family Stone. The song was released mere months after the band’s legendary performance at Woodstock. Its happy-go-lucky melody blended perfectly with Sly Stone’s soulful vocal, creating a tune that is still capable of bringing all the good vibes we associate with summer.  

“School’s Out” by Alice Cooper (1972)

Alice Cooper and his band of rough and ready renegades perfectly captured the excitement and raw energy of the last day of school before summer break. “School’s Out” still makes those of us far removed from our school days feel frisky, as if anything can happen during the crazy days of summer. 

“Good Vibrations” by The Beach Boys (1966)

The Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations” somehow captures the simple feel-good vibes of summer while featuring odd key shifts, complicated harmonies, and unconventional instrumentation. If the beach were to have a sound, it would be this 1966 masterpiece. Regardless of the season, “Good Vibrations” is undoubtedly a classic piece of songwriting, as evidenced by the fact that it landed at No. 6 on Rolling Stone’s list of the “500 Greatest Songs of All Time.”

“Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves (1985)

You have no choice. When “Walking on Sunshine” comes on, your body will react. You will sing. You will dance. You will clap. While Katrina and the Waves’ 1985 hit isn’t actually about summer, it does embody every good feeling that comes with the arrival of the sun, the surf, and the sand. 

“Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles (1969)

In his autobiography, I, Me, Mine, George Harrison details how he wrote “Here Comes the Sun” in Eric Clapton’s garden while anxiously awaiting the end of an exceptionally brutal winter. Decades have passed and the surviving Beatles are now approaching the winters of their lives, but we will always have their music. Luckily, every time the clouds start to give way to the warmth of the sun’s rays, we will hear “Here Comes the Sun” in our heads. 

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 Posted on July 1, 2016 by

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Spend Time with Your Kids Now, Be in Their Memories Later

involved-dad

Spend time with your kids today. Be a positive memory tomorrow.

“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”               – Barbara Johnson

If you were fortunate enough to be a child whose parents were fully engaged in your life, you probably now realize just how important their time and attention were. And you very likely have extremely positive memories of them, some of which jump out at you at the most random of times. If you’re like me, you wouldn’t trade these stirring recollections for anything in the world.

It is no coincidence that you remember with fondness your childhood and the times spent with your parents. They were actively involved in your life, always there for the big and small events of your younger days. As a result, they gently forced themselves into your memory, making themselves key characters in a treasure trove of memories.

Perhaps those memories include a certain place that reminds you of time spent together. Or maybe it’s a song you remember hearing while with them. It could even be an old television show or movie that you watched with your parents. On its own, it may or may not have been an especially important time, place, or event at the time, but it meant the world to you.

We can all agree that our kids deserve to carry with them such golden memories, so go ahead and spend as much time as you can with them now. By doing so, you are building wonderful memories that will last a lifetime. And in those memories, you will be a central, all-important character.

 

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 Posted on June 27, 2016 by

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We Believe, They Achieve: The Power of Believing in Our Children

Child

You believe in your children, but do they know it?

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.” ― Jim Valvano

When we prove to our kids that we believe in them, we give them most of what they need to get through many of the obstacles they will face later in life. The confidence that comes from being an independent and self-sufficient teenager and young adult typically does not form on its own. Seeds of confidence are planted during childhood, and are nurtured by both our actions and our words.

Never underestimate the power of your belief in your children. Your positive feedback regarding their skills, talents, and abilities can inspire them for years. I strongly suggest that we, as parents, never withhold words of encouragement when they are appropriate.

I don’t mean that we should shower our kids with empty praises based on non-accomplishments. The “everyone gets a trophy” approach to parenting has likely hurt young people more than it has helped them. Instead, let’s actively seek opportunities to celebrate the times when our children display mastery of certain skills, reveal fortitude in times of trial, and perform kind and caring acts towards others.

Not only do your children want to hear that you genuinely believe in them, they need to hear it. Our children will encounter plenty of naysayers and skeptics throughout their life, so it is of the utmost importance that we lay a solid foundation for their hopes and dreams by explicitly stating our confidence that they do indeed have what it takes to succeed. It very well might end up being the greatest gift we give them.

 

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 Posted on June 24, 2016 by

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The Music as Messenger

music-is-emotion.jpg

No words are necessary when the music hits the right notes.

“Music expresses that which cannot be said.” – Victor Hugo

For the musician, the search for the right words can be an exhausting struggle. Frustration can mount as you, the proficient songwriter who supposedly has a gift for putting together words, fight to find the lyrics that perfectly capture how you feel. Sometimes they simply do not come.

It is during these times of lyrical desolation that the wise musician lets the music do the talking. Rather than force the issue by writing line after line that leads to nothing, it is often best to speak less. Popular music has a long history of notes and chords that perfectly capture that which cannot be said.

Think of the inspired ending of Eric Clapton’s “Layla,” filled with wonderfully simple piano and guitar melodies that summon a lifetime’s worth of nostalgia. Or the heavenly synthesizers that gradually climb and inspire in the introduction to U2’s “Where the Streets Have No Name.” Finally, is there a more melancholic vibe than the one created by the strings on Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U?”

What these song parts have in common is that they don’t require vocals to convey a feeling. They are proof that music, on its own, has the power to both express and stir deep and strongly held emotions. If you are a songwriter who sometimes struggles to find the perfect words, I recommend occasionally letting the music do the talking.

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 Posted on June 21, 2016 by

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Filling the Cup of Silence: A Comparison of Music and Wine

wine_music

“Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence.” ― Robert Fripp

Silence definitely has its place in our hectic everyday lives. Sometimes, though, much like an empty cup filled with our favorite wine, nothing fills that vacant space in our lives better than the right musical notes. Below are just a few of the ways in which wine and music are perfect partners for those of us who consider ourselves aficionados of both.

Much like wine, music can relax you. It can provide a soothing comfort that is the perfect way to end a crazy day. That warm, relaxed feeling that comes from your favorite glass of red or white wine can also be found within several genres of music, including jazz, folk, and classical.

Music, like wine, can be sweet, and it can be bitter. The distinct flavors associated with wine can also be found in music. Sometimes during the happier moments in life, the more saccharine songs are what we want to hear. In contrast, during the more somber times, it feels perfectly right to dive into bitter tunes that are filled with sadness and melancholy.

As nutritionists are now discovering, there are many health benefits to drinking a glass of wine each day. Likewise, we can enjoy several mental, emotional, and even spiritual benefits by pouring ourselves a glass of our favorite music. Music provides healing. It offers a new sense of appreciation for those people and places we have lost. Finally, music inspires us to do that which we deemed unlikely, if not impossible.

Regardless of your preferred flavor of music, I suggest you take some time each day to sip from the cup of your best-loved songs. Perhaps you should do so while also tasting from the glass of your favorite wine.

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 Posted on June 16, 2016 by

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Mimicking Mom: A Life Well-Lived Is the Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift

mother-daughter-shrug

One of the best gifts we can give our mother is the knowledge that we want a legacy similar to hers.

Mother’s Day is a time to look back, an opportunity to reflect on how caring and supportive our moms have been. As it should be, Mother’s Day is a day for showing appreciation for the countless ways in which mothers have positively impacted our lives. It is the one day of the year when we consciously shower our moms with affection and honor. While we spend time with our mothers in the here and now, our thoughts are often focused on the past as we recall our childhood and all the times our mom was there for us.

For me, however, this year’s Mother’s Day feels different. As the holiday approaches, memories of my beloved mother have me anxiously looking ahead, rather than reflecting on the past. Inspired by all that my mother did for me while growing up, I am increasingly concerned with how I will be remembered by my children. I am overwhelmed by a strong desire to live up to my mother’s example. In short, I want to be to my children everything my mother was to me.

I hope that my children remember me as a caring, loving, and supportive mother and friend to others. I pray that my children think of me in a positive light, even when I had to discipline them and teach them the difficult lessons of life. I wish for my children to someday realize that they have always been the most important thing to me, and that I consider them my greatest achievement. This is how my mother made me feel as a child and beyond, and I so desperately want my kids to feel the same.

Flowers, gift cards, and jewelry can reflect a certain amount of our love and appreciation for Mom. At a time when we all feel pressure to buy the perfect Mother’s Day gift, perhaps our moms would most appreciate knowing that all we want as parents is to be remembered as we remember them. That all we want is to live the type of life they have lived.

This year I feel as though one of the best gifts I could give my mother is the knowledge that I am determined to live a life that leads to a legacy similar to hers. I am confident that my children will be fortunate if I succeed.

Happy Mother’s Day to you and yours!

 

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 Posted on May 6, 2016 by

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Live, Love, and Learn (5/17/16)

kid and gift

Time will tell that you are the greatest gift your kids will ever receive.

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson

As parents, we experience a seemingly endless urge to give stuff to our kids. There is something inherently thrilling about watching their eyes light up as they tear open their new birthday or Christmas gift.

If you’re like me, you always have one eye open for possible gift ideas, anticipating a sweet and thoughtful present for your child. But it is important to remember that being there for our kids is infinitely more important than getting them things. They need (and subconsciously want) our time and attention.

Excuse the play on words, but we can give to our kids no more meaningful presents than our presence.

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 Posted on May 3, 2016 by

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The Music Mom: Eileen Carey

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