When did changing your mind become such a bad thing?
We praise people for sticking to their guns. We admire determination. We tell our kids to finish what they start, and we celebrate people who choose a path and refuse to leave it. I believe in commitment as much as anyone. You don’t build a career in music without learning how to keep going when things get difficult. Trust me.
But I’ve also learned that sometimes the smartest, healthiest, and bravest thing you can say is, “I don’t think that anymore.”
Life gives us new information. We have new experiences. We meet people who challenge our assumptions. We grow. Why wouldn’t some of our opinions, priorities, and dreams grow with us?
The Person Who Made the Plan Isn’t the Person You Are Today
I’ve made plenty of plans in my life. Some worked beautifully. Others probably deserved to be abandoned much sooner than they were.
That’s because we usually make plans based on what we know at that particular moment. Then life happens.
Motherhood certainly changed the way I saw the world. So did marriage. So did years of performing, writing songs, meeting people, experiencing disappointments, and celebrating unexpected victories. Every experience added something to the person making the next decision.
I wouldn’t want to think exactly as I did 20 years ago. I hope I’ve learned something since then!
Changing your mind doesn’t erase the person you used to be. Sometimes it honors how much that person has grown.
Music Leaves Room for a Better Idea
Songwriting has taught me this lesson repeatedly.
You can become convinced that a lyric is perfect until somebody suggests one word that makes the entire line better. You can hear a song one way in your head, then musicians walk into the room and take it somewhere you never imagined.
You have two choices. You can protect your original idea simply because it was yours, or you can recognize that something better just walked through the door.
I’ve learned to listen.
Creativity requires enough confidence to bring an idea into the room and enough humility to let that idea change.
Our Kids Are Watching Us Grow, Too
As parents, we sometimes feel pressure to have all the answers. Admitting that we were wrong can feel like surrendering some of our authority.
I see it differently.
I want my kids to know that adults can reconsider things. We can apologize. We can hear another perspective and say, “You know what? You have a point.” We can discover that something we once believed no longer makes sense to us.
Imagine how freeing that lesson can be for a child. They don’t have to get everything right the first time either.
Some Dreams Are Allowed to Change
This applies to bigger things, too. The career you wanted at 25 may not fit you at 45. A goal that once consumed you may lose its importance. Something you never imagined wanting may suddenly feel exactly right.
That doesn’t mean you failed.
We’re allowed to edit the picture of what a good life looks like.
I’ve spent enough years making music to know that you can’t force every song to follow the arrangement you originally imagined. Sometimes you have to change the tempo, move the key, rewrite the chorus, or throw out a verse entirely.
Life isn’t all that different.
Keep Listening
There are values I hope I’ll carry forever. Love. Kindness. Gratitude. Family. Integrity. The things at the center of who we are deserve roots.
But everything else deserves a little room to breathe.
I want to keep meeting people who make me reconsider things. I want to remain curious enough to discover that I was wrong and secure enough to admit it. I want to keep becoming someone my younger self wouldn’t completely recognize but would hopefully be proud to meet.
Changing your mind doesn’t always mean you’ve lost your way. Sometimes it shows that you’re still paying attention.
The Music Mom: Eileen Carey 