Being a musician can mean several different things. For some, it’s a full-time studio gig. For others, it’s a career filled with songwriting. The most iconic image of a musician, however, is that of the hardened road warrior, the travel-weary performer who is gone for weeks at a time, conquering a new city each and every night.
While this is true sometimes, most musicians will admit that life on the road is far more grueling than it appears. They’ll also acknowledge that without the support of those back home, it is incredibly easy to burn out. Life goes on at home – even when we musicians are not there. As with pretty much any career, we musicians have to strike a balance between work and home.
Here are four ways to maintain healthy relationships with your family and friends while you are on the road.
Stay in touch – often!
This sounds ridiculously obvious, but the most effective way to stay connected with your folks back home is to talk with them on a frequent basis. Yes, you are busy. Between gigs, interviews, and much needed rest, you have your hands full while on the road. But there is ALWAYS time during the day to make a quick call or send a thoughtful text.
With smartphones and such, instant (and more meaningful) communication is easier than ever. Don’t settle for mere texts when FaceTime and Skype are options. Show your loved ones where you are and what you are doing. This will make it feel as though you are shortening the distance between you.
Reunite, and it’ll feel so good
One of the best things about touring is that it gives you a golden opportunity to catch up with friends and family who you might not otherwise see. Sometimes it takes a bit of planning, but the more of the world you visit, the better chance you have to reconnect with a distant loved one.
Another suggestion is to arrange for those who are exceptionally close to you to meet you on the road. I know plenty of musicians who never go more than two weeks without seeing their spouses or children. Sometimes you have to get creative, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. Keep an eye out for discounted flights. If you book your tour way in advance, you’ll increase your chances of having that very special road reunion.
Plan ahead so you don’t miss important dates
This one is important. There are certain dates that you simply do not want to miss. Do everything you can to avoid missing birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays. These days mean a lot to your family and friends, so you being home for them says a lot about your priorities.
There’s really no reason not to plan around these particular days if you give yourself enough time. If you think about it, touring properly includes at least a few months of promo time anyway. So schedule your tours with one eye on those special days when you really should be at home.
Truly be home when you’re there
One of the more eye-opening scenes in the biopic I Walk the Line has Johnny Cash sitting in his armchair for days after returning from the road. His wife is frustrated and angry, and deservedly so. My advice to you: do NOT be that guy. If you are going to be home, really be home.
You need to put aside all the good and bad things you just encountered on the road so that you can be fully present. Don’t disconnect yourself from your family. Just as with any other job, the ability to leave work at work is absolutely essential to a healthy and productive home life.
The Music Mom: Eileen Carey 